Reflection
by omalleyanatomy26
Summary: Set in Memoriam. Reid finds out he and Riley were both kidnapped together and he was raped and forced to watch as Riley was stabbed to death. These repressed memories gets him addicted to drugs again. Can Morgan help him? PLEASE REVIEW! UPDATED!
1. Chapter 1

**I just can't resist writing Reid fics. I DO plan on updating my other fics like Remember Us and Captured and so forth. I was just rewatching Memoriam and had another dark twisted idea that I couldn't get out of my head.**

**Prologue**

Reid listened to the hypnotherapist's voice as he sank into a supressed memory. Rossi watched,concern and protectevness painted on his face. He didn't know the kid as well as the others but still felt like he had to protect him. It was probably because the kid was so damned young. 27 was too young to work in the FBI as far as he was concerned.

"All right, Reid, what do you see?" The therapist's voice was soft.

_Reid found himself in the basement, tied up-next to Riley Jenkins. Riley was still alive; his hands was also tied. Someone was coming. Spencer was gagged so he couldn't say anything. He watched in horror as his best friend was stabbed to death in front of him._

_Minutes had gone by. He heard fighting on the stairs. His capture's body had tumbled down it. Another figure emerged._

_"It's okay, Spencer." a familiar voice whispered. "It's okay, it's me, dad. You're safe now." _

The therapist's eyes widened in fear and shock when Reid's fist tightened. Reid's face twisted in agony and fear. His mouth moved up and down.

Rossi rose from the chair.

"Wake him up!" He demanded as Reid withered on the couch, almost like he was having a fit

"Okay Reid, listen to the sound of my voice. When I count back to 1 you'll awake. 4-" the grip tightened. "3.." Her skin was changing color and Reid continued to go rigid, looking like he was having a seizure. Rossi looked on, worry and anger in his eyes. Anger that he allowed this to happen.

"2, 1" Reid's eyes shot open and he was almost gasping for breath.

"Reid, it's okay!" Rossi raised his voice. "It's okay Reid, it's okay!"

Panic siezed Reid. He couldn't think straight. He felt like he was being choked. He stood up quickly.

"What happened?" Rossi asked breathlessly. Reid swallowed and swallowed again as he shook his head.

"Need air," he gasped and doged out of the room, leaving Rossi and the therapist dumbfounded and confused".

* * *

"There's SOMETHING you're not telling me mom!" Reid shouted. As soon as he left he had went to the hospital. He had to get some answers. Mrs. Reid shook her head and rocked back and forth.

"You don't want to know." she whispered. He placed his hand on hers. The skin was cold.

"Please mom...I saw it. I remember it...being tied up." He stared at her, pain eveloping his eyes, a deep sense of despair in them, like waves crashing against the rock. Getting more and more worn by each crash. Getting more and more empty. "I was kidnapped, wasn't I?"

Diana's body changed. A sense of hoplessness swept over her. Her body sagged and shook, her age now showing. The trials of her youth dripping through. The wrinkles more noticable. Her eyes, more tired.

"I thought you were dead," she sobbed. "You were gone and the police was giving up on you." Tears rolled down her cheeks. He wiped them gently, sorrow filling his eyes now. And pain. He wanted so badly to remember, and yet was so afraid.

"Your father was a mess. He was part of the search...he got a lead on our neighbor." More tears fell and she shook her head, and bit her lip. "He...He followed the bastard home, he had talked to you a couple of times in the past. But you always talked to adults more than children. I didn't think anything of it...until you vanished." She hugged Reid, almost violently. "When I couldn't find you...when you went missing a part of me died. I...I couldn't eat, sleep, or think until I got you safely in my arms."

Reid felt like he was drowning. Drowning in information. So much information, like all the cabnet doors being swung open and papers being flung around the room.

He put his hand to his mouth, still not believing what was going on. It was almost all too much.

"He fought him...the man that took you. But it was too late. Riley was already dead. But your father...was so relieved to have found you. But you...you were traumatized, you were in shock when he found you. For a moment he thought you were dead. You were so still, barely breathing. It was then he saw that your clothes had been ripped." An almost moaning wail escaped her lips this time and Reid pressed his eyes closed.

Did he want to hear this.

She looked at him.

"You were traumatized for months, became even more isolated, even more of a recluse. We took you too a child's therapist. It didn't help. Your father knew the Chief of Police and the Chief let him get off on Self defense." Tears were still rolling down her cheeks. Reid just sat there and listened. "So yes, you're father did kill someone...but it was too protect you." She stared at him. "And thank God he did, if he hadn't..." her whole body started to shake. She shook her head ."We have to protect Spencer," she said amd Reid looked concerned.

"Mom?"

"We have to protect him!"She screamed and suddenly started banging her hand against her head. He flew up.

"Somebody help!"

The nurses rushed in as his mother kept sobbing and screaming his name over and over. He pushed himself into a corner and put his hand over his mouth. He sank to the ground as they sedated her.

His body shook. This explained so much. Why children being kidnapped affected him so much. Why that other case affected him.

The nurse looked at him.

"Are you all right?" She helped him to his feet.

"No." His voice was soft. "No I'm not."

Almost in a daze he walked out, tears blinding his sight as he tried to gain what little composure he had left.

He sat outside and rocked on the bench in front of the building back and forth. Trying to force the memories to come back to him, but scared to enter that place again.

He tried to take deep breaths, to stop the panic attack from happening.

He had found out the truth about Riley Jenkins, and about himself.

Now he wished he hadn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

"There he is." Morgan sighed in relief as he spotted Reid sitting on the bench in front of the hospital. He had a feeling Reid would have gone to his mother, especially when he needed comfort the most.

"Reid?" Rossi and Morgan slid on the bench next to him.

"How'd you find me?" Reid's voice was cold, distant, so not him.

"We know you, that's how," Morgan told him. Real worry filled his eyes. He had NEVER seen the kid like .

"Reid, what's going on?" Rossi demanded gently.

Reid shook his head.

"You don't want to know," he whispered.

"YES," Morgan said sternly. "We do. Come on, Reid, you can tell us anything."

Reid shuddered.

Morgan and Rossi exchanged worried glanced. Morgan didn't know what to think. Never in all his years of knowing Reid has he seen Reid like this. This...unglued. Not even when he was kidnapped and tortured. He wanted to help, but felt lost, unsure of how to be there for the kid when the kid wasn't even telling him what was going on.

"Come on Reid, tell us," he begged and was stunned when Reid looked at him, tears blanketing his eyes.

"I knew Riley Jenkins." His voice was hallow, like someone who's hope had been beaten out of him.

They were silent, wanting to press it, but afraid of causing Reid to shrink away.

"He was my friend." Again with the monotoned hallow voice. "He and I...were kidnapped."

Morgan's eyes shot out of their sockets pratically and glanced at Rossi who seemed equally shocked.

"What." He said it as a statement, not question.

Reid sighed, and tried to explain as best as he could. He told them about his flashbacks.

"I watched him get stabbed to death." His voice trembled and Morgan closed his eyes. He couldn't imagine something that traumatic happening to a child.

"Mom said...my clothes were ripped."

Rossi and Morgan glanced at each other.

"Are you saying Riley Jenkin's killer raped you?" Rossi dared to ask and Reid swallowed and then slowly nodded. "I...think so."

"But your mother is a sick women who didn't even remember Riley until a while ago..."

"No Morgan, she remembered him. She was lying to protect me from the news. You should have seen her. She started freaking out, talking about how they thought I was dead...how dad...he was the one who found me. He killed Riley Jenkin's killer but he got off on self defense...it's already been cleared but that record would still exsist somewhere. She...she had almost a fit after she told me this. They had to sedate her."

Rossi placed his hand on Reid's well worn jacket. Poor kid's entire body was shaking.

Reid sighed and closed his eyes.

"I'm trying to remember, but things are so jumbled up."

"Maybe it's best that you don't," Rossi said softly.

"It explains everything," Reid rambled on. "Why I have this odd fasincation with serial killers, why I wanted to work to track them down when I could do anything...why my father left-it probably put a strain on the marriage. This might be what got my mother sick...What triggered it. It also explains about dreaming about Riley since I was little. And me being not socializing with anyone. I was always scared of people I didn't know-including kids. I didn't want to make any friends. Probably because I didn't want to lose anyone..."He paused and took a breath. "Mom said I was traumitzed for months. That I was never the same afterwards."

Morgan shook his head, heated anger rising in him. He hoped that Reid wasn't correct, but he had a feeling he was.

Ried was right, this did explain so much, especially his reaction to kidnappers.

He swallowed. He couldn't imagine a child going through something that traumatic. His knuckles tightered out of protectivness as he thought of Reid being raped as a child.

He had always thought of the kid as a little brother and the idea of something like that happening to him made his blood boil. He hated the pain and weight in Reid's eyes. The weight of too much traumatic stuff happening in the kid's life. The weight of this newfound knowledge looming over him, looming over them all. The pain of this knoweldge was causing him.

"I want to go to another therapy session," Reid said suddenly.

"Reid, I don't think that's a good idea," Rossi warned and Morgan nodded his head. What was the kid thinking?

"I agree with Rossi, they are repressed for a reason. Some memories are too much to handle."

Reid stood up.

"You can come with me or not. I have to remember." His voice was flat. "I have to see it for myself."

Rossi and Morgan looked at each other. What were they getting into?

"Are you SURE Reid?" Rossi asked. "Once you start this, there is no turning back."

Reid hesitated for a split second.

"I have to remember." He sounded so scared, so small. So childlike Morgan just wanted to be able to tell the kid everything was going to be all right.

But he couldn't,because he didn't know.

* * *

"Are you SURE you want to do this, Reid?" The therapist asked as Reid sank into the well worn couch.

"WHY does everyone keep asking me that? YES I'm sure!" He sounded more than agitated. The therapist glanced back at Morgan and Rossi. Rossi nodded slowly, but unsurely. Ried had asked that unless he started screaming or something to let him continue even if his grip gets super tight. He had to get past that fear, to remember it all. The therapist agreed relunctantly. She was glad the others were there to help.

"All right, let's begin."

Reid tried to relax and obey the instructions. He could hear Morgan and Rossi breathing, could feel them looking at him. That comforted him, he knew he wasn't alone.

_The man loomed over him. He shrank back. Terrified _

_The man laughed and he eyed Riley who was crying in the corner. _

_The kidnapper then took down his pants. He cried behind his gag._

_"Please...please don't hurt me."_

"Please...please don't hurt me." Reid's voice suddenly spoke in the present world. They froze and looked at Reid. All of them startled by the tone of the voice, it was so childlike. So un Reid like.

"Reid? Reid what's happening? Tell me," the therapist said quickly. Reid was unable to obey, trapped in his own memory. Trapped in the past.

_"Please..." the begging behind the gag was futal. His pants were ripped. He started to scream when something entered him. He screamed, and so did Riley._

The screaming happened as well during the therapy session. Obeying the rules the therapist quickly orderd Reid to wake, Morgan and Rossi were standing up.

"Reid?" Morgan asked, almost afraid. Reid looked at him as he stood up and suddenly flung himself onto Morgan's shoulders and burst into unexpected tears.

**Please, please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for the reviews!**

It took a while for Morgan and Rossi to calm Reid down. As Morgan listened to him describe his memory he closed his eyes, feeling sicker and sicker.

"Jesus Christ," Rossi muttered. Reid couldn't stop shaking.

"I don't want to remember anymore," he suddenly sobbed. "I don't want to do that again."

"It's okay, Reid, I understand." Morgan gave him a tight hug. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do."

Reid nodded, sniffling. Gently both had him rise to his feet.

"Thank you for your help," Rossi told the therapist who nodded, still looking pretty shaken up.

"Come on," Morgan said softly. "Let's get you home."

This time Reid didn't argue. Exhaustion came over him, like a blanket. Morgan watched him as he sank into the back seat of the taxi.

"I've NEVER seen him like this," he whispered to Rossi.

"That's because nothing this extreme has ever happened to him," Rossi whispered back. Morgan shook his head.

"If his father hadn't already killed that sonofabitch..."

"Speaking of William Reid, I think you should go back with Reid but I'm going to stay here."

Morgan looked surprised.

"Why?"

"We heard Mrs. Reid's side of the story, I want to hear it from someone..."

"More sane?" Morgan supplied and Rossi slowly nodded, hating to use the word.

"All right," Morgan said slowly. "But shouldn't I come too?"

Rossi shook his head.

"Reid's going to need you now more then ever. Whether he wants to or not now that he has opened this door to his past he is probably going to remember more and more of that time period."

Morgan swallowed and nodded. He put his arm around the kid as he slept.

Finally they arrived at the plane.

"Come on kid, we're here."

Reid woke, drowsey.

"Wha...?'

"We're here at the plane." Morgan helped Reid out of the car. Still blurry eyed Reid looked down at Rossi.

"Aren't you coming?"

Rossi shook his head.

"I'm going to stay here, look more into the Riley case for you."

Reid paused and then nodded his thanks. Rossi made sure not to tell him that he was going to talk to Mr. Reid.

"You going to be okay, Reid?" Morgan asked and Reid sighed.

"Yes, I think so." He shut his eyes. The man's face grinned at him. He shot them back open.

"What's wrong?"

He shook his head.

"I was able to sleep before...but now..." Tears was in his eyes. "Now I see his face. The man's face. Riley's killer...and I feel what I felt when I was that age."

Morgan sighed.

"All right, then don't close your eyes."

"I can't stay asleep forever."

"No, you can't," Morgan sadly agreed. Reid shuddered.

"Why did this happen to me?" He suddenly wimpered. "Why did this happen to Riley?"

Morgan paused before answering. He twisted his arms together and fiddled with the button of his jacket. He didn't know what to answer.

"I don't know," he finally answered honestly. His mouth felt dry. The anger for what the bastard did to him was rising. Nobody messed with his Reid like that. No one messed with any of them.

He really wished the bastard was still alive so he could stab him slowly to death.

Why did this happen to Reid? Reid was a good kid. He didn't deserve something like this hanging over his shoulder.

"Reid..."He started to say and then fell silent.

"What?"

He shook his head.

"Nothing."

There was nothing to say to something like this. Anything that he said would sound futal, cheesy, lame,unhelpful. He wasn't good at advice.

Reid looked out the window, a tear trickled down his cheeks.

Morgan hated to see that tear. He hated what this was doing to the kid. He wished he could change it.

* * *

They were surprised to see just the two of them back.

"Rossi decided to stay behind to invstegate more," Morgan explained.

"So you did find something?" Hotch asked. Reid closed his eyes and started to shake.

"Reid?" Garcia's voice was soft.

"I need to go to the restroom." His voice was soft but scratchy.

"What was that all about?" Emily asked. "He was pratically shaking!"

"Morgan, what is it sugar? You look pissed off as hell," Garcia said suddenly, her intution in her saying something wasn't right.

"I'm more than pissed off, I'm livid." Morgan's voice was dangerously calm.

JJ swallowed.

"What did you find out about Reid?" Even Hotch sounded worried.

"I suggest you all sit." Morgan's voice was grim.

Garcia gasped when he told them Riley had been kidnapped. He went into detail Reid freaking out during the hypnotherapy, and what the mother had said and everything Reid was remembering. As they listened Hotch's face didn't chance but it was almost as if his eyes got darker, and his knuckles whiter. Garcia was pratically sobbing by the time Morgan finished.

"Are you sure what Reid is remembering is real?" Hotch said quietly. "And that his mother isn't..."

"Delusional? Hotch I hate to say it but the way Reid's reacting...I'm about 99% sure it's real. I'd love to say it wasn't, and that based on the stories Reid's memories are being created out of thin air. But that isn't happening. Rossi's talk with Mr. Reid should confirm that," Morgan said.

JJ shook her head, tears was in her eyes. She placed her hand on her belly.

"I can't believe that Reid was raped as a child and saw his best friend be killed..."

"And the fact he came out of it all right, that it didn't make him snap," Emily said softly.

"I always knew that kid had some kind of inner strength in him,"Garcia said quietly. "But this is enough to destroy anyone."

"It sounds like it nearly destroyed him as a child. If he hadn't surpressed it it probably would. And now that it has resurfaced...I'm already seeing it affect him."

Hotch closed his eyes. What about Reid's drug addiction? Great...this could trigger it again.

"I didn't tell you all this, because it was personal but after Tobias Reid started using drugs."

They turned to look at him sharply.

"What?" Garcia gasped and Morgan closed his eyes.

_Of course _the signs were all there before...why didn't he piece it together?

"And he started using it again when that kid died in front of him last year...I'm just worried."Hotch swallowed. "He went to meetings and got clean, he stopped before he became too addicted and that's why I didn't report it...but with this happening.."

"I'll keep an eye on him," Morgan promised. Now they have something else to worry about.

Morgan silently prayed that 's 's story wouldn't match up with the others, but knew it would.

* * *

Rossi knocked on his door.

"What do you want?" Mr. Reid growled defensivly. "Want to arrest me now? For killing Riley Jenkins?"

"I know you didn't kill Riley," Rossi said softly. William looked surprised, relieved and surprised.

"Good...because I'm not a killer."

"You DID kill someone...but it was in self defense. It was because he kidnapped your son."

Mr. Reid stared at him.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

"Your son is remembering and with what your ex wife said-"

"My ex-wife is a very sick women, I wouldn't take her word as final say."

"No but your son has remembered seeing Riley stabbed to death in front of him. He now also remembers being raped."

An odd expression on William's Reid's face appeared and it twisted into an angry look, as well as a devestated look as he broke into sobs.

Rossi looked suprised and sat there, unsure of what to do or say.

"I wished he wouldn't remember,"William gasped. "I was so glad when he had managed to surpress it...he shouldn't remember something like this."

Rossi felt sick. So it was all true.

"So all of this did happen," he sighed.

William nodded miserably.

"How's Spencer?" Real concern was in his voice.

"He's not well,"Rossi said grimly. "Please, William. I need to know in detail, what happened to your son."

William nodded slowly.

"Well..it was a Saturday when it first happened. He was at one of those chess things in the park playing with an old person. He always plays with adults, so it wasnt's strange when he spoke to one. Diana and I didn't think anything of it. We turned our backs, though, for a minute. And just like that he was gone. And so was Riley, they were both at the park, Riley always watched Spencer play chess. He was fascinated by it...We searched everywhere for Spencer. We finally called the cops."

"How did you find them? How did you know where to look?"

"Our new neighbor was always an odd one. He seemed to be more interested in Spencer's mind then most. When I thought back to it I remembered how he would always stop and talk to us on the street, talk to Spencer. I never noticed before cause like I said Spencer always talked to adults more than kids his own age." William's body was shaking. "I wanted to inspect his house myself but knew I would have to get a warrent. I decided to break in. That's when I heard..."He shook his head, tears rolled down his cheeks.

"It's okay, William." Rossi's voice was soft. "Spencer is safe. It's over."

Mr. Reid nodded.

"I heard my son...crying downstairs. Screaming at the man to stop...to stop hurting him. I was furious. I don't know what came over me. I ran down the stairs and ran into him He attacked me but I took the knife from his hands and stabbed him to death...I didn't hesistate either. It...felt good. I yelled, in such a tone I never had before, when I saw Riley's body. And then I heard crying. It was my Spencer...his clothes had been torn...he was bleeding...down there...I felt sick, but relieved...I finally had him back. But Diana was never the same after that. Neither was Spencer. I think that and how Spencer behaved afterwards was what triggered her sickness. And I know it was what put a strain on our marriage. We were never the same after that. We just couldn't recover. And it nearly destroyed Spencer." He glanced at Rossi, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"How much does he remember?"

"A lot." Rossi said grimly. "Thank you , you've been a tremundas help." William stood up.

"I think I should go with you. I want to help my son."

Rossi hesitated before nodding.

"Very well."

He walked out of the room with Reid's father walking next to him wondering how the hell Reid would be able to recover from this this time.

**PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Decided to update some of my older fics!**

When Reid emerged from the bathroom Garcia pulled him into a hug.

He hugged her back slowly.

"You all know?"

They nodded, grimly. JJ wiped a tear from her eyes.

"Reid, I'm so so sorry."

"Don't be." He squeezed her hand. "You shouldn't have to worry about this, not with everything that's going on in your life right now." He touched her belly and she smiled.

"You're sweet, but important too. I have the right to worry about whoever I want to worry about."

Reid smiled, rather sadly, at that.

_He thought of the knife plunging into Riley's chest...after Riley's death the man loomed over him, drenched in his best friends blood._

He swallowed.

"Reid?" Hotch's voice was soft.

He shuddered.

"I'd like to go home, now."

Morgan nodded.

"I'll take you."

Reid nodded and rubbed his forehead.

"You okay?" Garcia asked softly.

He nodded.

"Just...a flashback."

"Do you want to talk about?" Emily asked quietly and he shook his head.

"No."

They nodded.

"I'll call you," Morgan told Hotch who nodded, concern was in his eyes.

Morgan watched Reid as he drove to Reid's place. Reid leaned his head against the window.

"You do know we're all here for you, right kid?"

Reid nodded.

"I'm sorry for dragging you into this." Reid's voice was dull, lilfeless.

"Quit apologizing Reid. It's not like you asked for this."

"But I did. By going to hypnotherapy. I had to know but I should have let it stay in the past."

"I doubt I would have been able to have done the same, so don't beat yourself up about it."

Reid sniffed.

"I remember how scared Riley was...and his screams when he was being stabbed..."He shuddered.

"You don't have to talk about this, Reid. Not if you don't want too."

Reid nodded and swallowed.

Morgan helped him back to his place. He acted like a zombie. Morgan led him into the room.

He watched Reid lay on the bed and pull the blankets around hi.

His throat closed.

"Get some rest, kid."

He squeezed Reid's hand as he closed the door.

He sat in the chair in the livingroom, deep in thought. He wondered if Reid would ever recover from this. Right now the kid seemed to be in...shock.

A knock at the door. He opened it. There was Rossi and Mr. Reid.

"You got here fast."

"Didn't take long to confirm his story," said Rossi grimly. Morgan stared at them.

"It's true then?"

William nodded.

"I'd like to see Spencer."

Morgan shook his head.

"I wouldn't advice that. Reid's resting right now. It's probably what's best for him at the moment."

William nodded. He set a bag down.

"What are you doing?" Morgan asked.

"I'm staying here, to help him through this."

Morgan frowned and glanced at Rossi.

"I thought I was staying here."

"He's MY son." A defense tone emerged in William.

"Yeah, one you abandoned," Morgan shot back.

"Morgan!" Rossi's voice was sharp. "You both can stay and watch Reid. I'm sure he'll protest but he can use all the help he can get."

Morgan sighed and nodded.

"Fine. I'm sorry for snapping at you like that Mr. Reid, that was uncalled for. I'm just..."

"Tense, I know the feeling."

Rossi nodded.

"I'll leave and let you both get settled. Call me if you need anything." Morgan nodded and both he and William glanced at each other as Rossi left.

"What do we do now?" William asked. Morgan gestured to the couch.

"We wait."

"Until?"

"Until Reid-Spencer-needs us."

William nodded and they both sat down to silence.

* * *

_Covered in Riley's blood the killer loomed over Reid's body. _

_Reid trembled and tried to escape the knotted bonds._

_He sobbed when the gag was taken out and something was forced into his mouth. _

_He glanced over at Riley's dead body and tried to escape. That was when the hitting started. _

Reid woke screaming. Both William and Morgan bolted to the door. He couldn't stop sobbing.

"Hey Reid, it's okay." Morgan's voice was soft and soothing but the sobbing just got harder.

"Spencer, it's me. Your father. I'm here, Spencer. I'm going to protect you. It's okay." William's voice was also soft as he pulled his son into a hug and slowly Reid relaxed into it. Morgan watched quietly as Reid sobbed onto William's shoulder and as William rocked Reid back and forth. He realized then it was going to be more difficult then any of them had thought it would be.

And that Spencer Reid might never recover and never be the same after this.


End file.
